DORIAN'S PLUNGER INTO SURREALISM AND CIRCUMCISION! (dorians) wrote in shitpipe_crew,
DORIAN'S PLUNGER INTO SURREALISM AND CIRCUMCISION!
dorians
shitpipe_crew

THIS DAY WAS LIKE A THRILL RIDE IN AN ICE CREAM TRUCK

NOT THAT I THINK RIDING IN AN ICE CREAM TRUCK DOWN A HIGHWAY FLIPPING OVER SPEED BUMPS AND SHIT IS THE SAFEST THING TO DO BUT FUCK WHO CAN'T DENY THE THRILL IN SEEING THE FACE OF SOMEONE ON A RICE ROCKET SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DEFEAT TO THE SUPER CHARGED TRUCK BLASTING THE DEVILS NURSERY RYHMES?

IF I HAD A DOLLAR FOR EVERY TIME MY EGO BACK-FIRED I WOULD BE ONE RICH FUCK, SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED KIDS? HUMILITY WHILE RIDING IN THE ICE CREAM TRUCK RACING HONDAS AND BEATING THEM TO THE SOUND OF TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR IS SOMETIMES A MUST...I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO RACE THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IF THEY ALWAYS LOSE AND YOU ALWAYS LAUGH AT THEM, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE MAKING FUN OF THE FUNNY SHAPPED ICE CREAM TRUCK!

AHHH!

HUMBILITY WHILE WEARING AN APRON!

HUBILITY WHILE NOT BEING HUMBLE!

EGOTISTICAL HUMBILITY!!

OMG, I NEED TO DEVELOP SEVERAL DIFFERENT WRITING STYLES AS MINE AS GOTTEN SOM ADVANCED AND UNMISTAKABLY CLEVER THERE'S NO WAY TO COVER IT UP ANYMORE!! BWAHAHA, FUQ.

THE ART OF CONFUSION

THE ART OF MISDIRECTION

THE ART OF INSPECTION

THE ART OF EGO BASHING

THE ART OF PISSING PEOPLE OFF

THE ART JOINING THE SECRET SOCIETIES

THE ART OF BRAIN-DRYCLEANING

THE ART OF PREACHING MOTIVATON

THE ART OF USING SARCASM WITH TRUTH TO CREATE POINTS

THE ART OF PROVING ONESELF RIGHT

THE ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK

THE ART OF NOT KNOWING TO QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD



OH, AND TONIGHT I LEARNED WHILE WORLD DOMINATING (1AM-7AM-NOW MY SHIFTS OVER!)...
1: DONT MAKE FUN OF STRANGERS
2: MANY ROMANIANS ARE SMART CRIMINALS
3: ROMAINIANS GET MAD WHEN THEY ARE INSULTED BY A HIGHER INTELLIGENCE
4: MANY ROMANIANS ARE STUBBORNLY CLOSE-MINDED WITH ATTENTION TO REITERATING THEIR DENIAL OF BEING STUBBORN...PARADOXAL INDEEEEED!
5: PEOPLE LOVE DRAMA
6: WARM MILK DOESNT WORK AS WELL AS IT USED TO
7: IRC IS A HAVEN FOR POLISHING MAGIFICENT EGOS
8: FUCK MY INTERNET WENT DOWN, AND IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE ROMANIAN
9: I GOT BANNED BY SOMEONE NAMED JAPBOY
10: I USED TO HAVE MORE PULL ON IRC THAN I DO TODAY, TOOLONG OF A BREAK
11: SOMEONE WANTS TO RAPE THE ASHES OF MY DEAD MOM, THEY CAN BRING IT ON AND I'LL INTRODUCE THEM TO MR. G. GUN UP IN THE FACE THAT WAY WE DONT MISS--SHYNE...PLUS NOTHING
12. WHAT TIME IS IT AGAIN?
13: IM JUST SO STUCK INTO NOT FORGETTING I WANT TO GET IT ALL DOWN
14: ROMAINIANS NEED LOVE TOO
15: SOME PPL NEED FUCKSTARTING
16: IM MAKING ADVANCES IN COMPLEXITY
17: INSULTING SOMEONE WITH CONSIDERBLY LESS INTELLIGENCE AND WIT IS LIKE HITTING A RETARDED KID...YOU FEEL BAD AFTERWARDS
18: DAMN THAT FUCKING ROMANIAN!!!! DAMN HIM TO HELL!!
19: PASSING THE CROWN OF SHIT AROUND FOR OTHERS TO WEAR
20: WHO'S SITTING ON THE LIARS CHAIR!
21: FUCK THE OLD FAMILIAR STING
22: WHY THE FUCK WONT MY PHONE STOP FROM A RING?

I DUNNO IF IM STILL IN HIGH DEMAND BUT GLOATING IS ALMOST AS FUN AS LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY AT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING EVEN THOUGH NO ONE'S AROUND

IS GETTING MORE FROM WHAT YOU WRITE THAN THE READER A CRIME?

IS BEING SO OBSESSED WITH WHAT YOU WRITE AND THATS THE ONLY REASON YOU KEEP WRITING FOR YOURSELF TO READ A CRIME?

IS BEING SO CLEVER, FINDING OUT HOW TO PACK THE MOST INNUENDOS POSSIBLE INTO ONE SENTENCE OR PARAGRAPH A CRIME?

IS BEING SO FUCKING FUNNY A CRIME?

WELL, IM GOING TO GET MYSELF A BIKE. FIELD TRIP, ANY MEMBERS OF THE LJ SPC WANNA COME? SKILLS REQUIRED FOR BIKE RYDING: DEXTERITY, ENDURANCE AND FINESSE

I NEED BED AND BED NEED ME SO IM CUTTIN IT SHORT, MAKE IT A BLOOD SPORT
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